Chapter 1: Mulholland Drive
A screen writer pulls up to an appointment he has on Mulholland Drive. He sees blood leading up to the door. Suddenly a man who has been shot in the leg comes out screaming not to go in. The writer walks in anyway. Sitting in a chair is DeadPool holding a smoking gun. “Guess you’re my 3:30.” DeadPool says.
DeadPool pours himself a glass of whiskey and explains that since Hollywood is making everything into a movie he wants to beat them to the punch on writing a movie about him. But so far the interviews for screenwriters haven’t gone well. The first wanted to make it a big action flick and didn’t listen to what DeadPool wanted. He told him it needed to be “high concept”. DeadPool pulled a gun and said “This high? Or maybe a little higher?” then shot the writer in the arm. The second wanted to change DeadPool into a washed up drunk country singer trying to connect with his son. DeadPool said nothing and shot him in the leg.
DeadPool asks this writer what he’s got. The writer says he has nothing and wants to hear DeadPool’s story. DeadPool pours another glass of whiskey and says “Okay, then buddy. You might be sorry you asked. After all it is an Origin Story….”
Chapter Two: The Naked and The Dead
DeadPool starts out by saying like so many other origin story his starts out with him naked in a tank of water with needles stuck in him everywhere. He explains that he had volunteered for some experimental trials in Canada that might cure his stage four cancer. Something went wrong in the trials which left him disfigured but gave him incredible regenerative powers. They continued to experiment on him. They shot his fingers off, set him on fire, but whatever they did he healed quickly but never to what he used to look like.
They told him that while they tried to figure it out that he could stay in Club Med. Instead they threw him in a cell. DeadPool goaded a fat guard to fight him, making the guard think he was weak. He used that opportunity to escape. He decided to become a mercenary again and got a mask and costume to cover his disfigured face. Since he now dressed in a costume and had super powers he got weirder gigs. On one job he was to kill a half cyborg mutant from the future. Instead they ended up being best friends.
The writer stops DeadPool and says he wants to know about what happened before all of that. He wants to know about the man he was before he was DeadPool. He wants to know about Wade Wilson. DeadPool replies “Huh. You want to know the truth about Wade Wilson? He was an Idiot.”
Chapter Three: Inglorious Basterd
DeadPool says that Wade Wilson was a mercenary with a moral code. He would only take jobs he believed in. If the target was a bad guy who deserved to die he would do it. Then he would go back to Boston to his hot girlfriend.
After coming back from killing some dictator Wade’s girlfriend is excited to see him. She is all over him while he is looking for a letter from the hospital. He finds it and finds out he has cancer. His girlfriend tells him she will stay with him through it all. Wade swore a long time ago he would not be a burden to anyone. He didn’t want her to watch him die. So he left. Going from bar to bar wade would get into fights since he couldn’t physically fight the cancer. One night he met another old mercenary who told him about the Weapon X project in Canada.
DeadPool wants to move on to the cool stuff but the writer wants to go deeper into his past. He wants to know about DeadPool’s childhood saying it is the emotional center of the movie. DeadPool says that his dad was a real kidder. His dad would go behind the front door and knock. Wade would ask “Who’s there” and his dad would do a “knock, knock” joke. One day his dad went behind the front door and never knocked. Wade thought he was tricking him so he knocked himself but his dad never answered.
Chapter Four: A Star Is Born
After his dad left his mother became a drunk and Wade practically had to raise himself. When he was old enough he joined the army. His superiors said he was a natural survivor. After his time in the army Wade went into business for himself and became a mercenary. He was first a merc with a cause. Now he doesn’t care anymore. “You care too much, you bleed.”
While shots of a battle between him and Wolverine are shown DeadPool explains that there are two things you can do when faced with horrible situations. You can either laugh or cry. He says laughter is nature’s anesthesia and tears hurt too much. DeadPool begins to tell about a time he was fighting the hulk but the writer says he has enough. DeadPool is surprised. The writer is about to leave but then asks if DeadPool could see his dad again what he would ask him. DeadPool replies “My Dad? I think I would ask him for the punch line.”
Chapter Five: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Almost three years later the premiere of DeadPool: Origins has arrived. DeadPool is there letting people take pictures with him. The writer pulls up and DeadPool tells him he is nervous but the writer assures him everything will be great. The movie starts and DeadPool is already upset that they put a space between dead and pool in the title.
They make the scene of him in the weapon x project comical until the first big explosion which everyone love but DeadPool. The scene with wade and his girlfriend is filled with corny cliché dialogue and a Celine Dion song which dead pool hates, then another explosion. The next scene shows a young wade asking his dad to tell him a joke. His dad says he can’t because the president has called him on an important mission. When his dad gets in the car it explodes.
DeadPool has had enough and thinks about killing everybody. He imagines shooting the audience and the popcorn workers. He imagines saying “I’m ready for my close up, Mr. Demillstone.” To the writer as he is running scarred. Instead he just leaves.
Afterwards everyone is congratulating the writer. He wonders where Wade is and then hits the unlock button on his keychain. His car explodes.
Chapter Six: The Long Goodbye
DeadPool drives out to an old house. He dug up the address years ago but never intended to use it till now. He knocks on the door. An old man answers and asks who’s there. “Wade” says DeadPool. “Wade… Wade who?” asks the old man. “Wade until you see what happened to me, dad.” DeadPool says as he pulls off his mask.
The End.
